When I grow up....

If you have known me for very long, you know that I have wanted to be a nurse for many years.
You might also know that I tend to bounce around with what I want.
In relation to most things.

For example, I've worked as a nail technician, a teacher's assistant, an Emergency Department technician, and a secretary.

I've also sold makeup, jewelry, kitchen wear, and vitamins.
I've attended school for nursing, computers, Russian, and a few other things.
I've even considered law school.
It was my husband's idea. He feels I argue well.
As if.
I disagreed and he lost that argument.

Back to the way this post started...
I have wanted to be a nurse for many, many years.
I have attempted the nursing school path on more than one occasion and this last time I came pretty close. Had I continued on my path, I would most likely be enrolled in nursing school right now. And I would be loving it. I don't doubt that for a second.

Sometimes I'm a little sad about it.
And then I remind myself why I am not in nursing school at the moment and why I am currently studying computers instead.

Out of all of the things that I have wanted to be in this life, nursing included...
There is one job that always turns my head,
gets my attention,
tugs at my heart,
and has the final say.
I am a mother. A wife. A homemaker.

It isn't the most adventurous job in the world, and it's certainly not the most glamorous or exciting.
Not that nursing is always exciting. And I know for a fact that it is rarely glamorous.
Unless you consider being covered in poo, glamorous.
Me either.

So why stay here instead of going there?
Why not live in the moment?
Seize the day?
Carpe diem and all that jazz.
I am.
I'm just choosing to seize this moment instead of that one.
Live my day this way instead of another way.

And I do have my reasons.
Two of them.
The first thing being my heart condition.
There are days when cooking a meal wears me out.
It didn't used to be that way. Only two years ago I was working in an Emergency Department and handling it pretty well.
There is nothing easy about that job, but for some reason I could handle it back then.
We think it's the hysterectomy I had a year and a half ago. It did a number on my strength, but I'm slowly coming back to a normal function.

Needless to say, running up and down the halls of a hospital for a 12 hour shift would be considerably harder than cooking a meal.
Nursing school would be considerably harder than cooking a meal.
The pre-reqs alone were a kick in the arse.
When I worked as a tech in the ED, not only did I work harder than I've ever worked in my life, but I saw how hard and demanding the nurses' jobs are.
I have nothing but respect for them.
Well, that and a desire to join them.
So, for now...until my heart feels a little more friendly, I'm learning about computers.

Second reason.
My family.
Do I think that every parent should stay home instead of choosing to further their career?
Absolutely not.
I think that I should stay home instead of choosing to further my career.

At least for now.
For this season.
For today.
And for tomorrow.
After that, I'm not sure.
It's just what I have a peace about for me and mine.

I'm not always happy with my choice, and I frequently and ever-so-slightly envy the friends of mine who are currently studying the human body in all of its amazing-ness.
God is so good and amazing.
Such a masterful designer
I want to learn everything.

However, for each day that I feel sad about my choice, I have about two or three days that I am glad for the choice I've made.
For example, last Friday I was able to spend the entire day with my daughter...cleaning, baking, and decorating for Fall.

She makes the most amazing french bread, by the way.

I watched the Autumn leaves fall outside while we pieced together orange and gold flower arrangements.
And my heart was happy.
It might have something to do with the fact that she wanted to wear matching shirts that day.
Here's to hoping it lasts.

Isn't she beautiful?

And then on Saturday I had the opportunity to teach my son how to waltz. He was attending his first big wedding and he was concerned that he might need this particular set of skills.
Ok. I was concerned that he might need this particular set of skills.
Turns out he did the "twist" instead and was considered a fine dancer by all.

But it was fun to teach him and my son grew up a little bit that day.
And my heart was happy.

It isn't always easy and there are days when I would much rather be studying the human body than studying computer programming, running errands, cleaning the house...
but it is what it is.
For now.
I'm just grateful that I have the opportunity to choose.
Not everyone gets to choose what they want to do and when.
My hat goes off to every single mom out there who works, studies, and parents.
God bless you and all you do!

And to all the nurses who take the bad with the good as well as the dying with the living, God bless you.
For the sore feet, aching backs, and long hours, thank you.
For the times you've comforted the mourning, cheered the discouraged, and had patience with the difficult...
Thank you.

Thank you for everything you do.
Someday I hope to join you.
Save me a spot!
I'll bring cookies. :)

Me :)


Ruthie Hart said…
I think its AWESOME that you have worked in so many different fields because it helps you succeed as a mother, which is the best job right?! Wherever the next couple of years takes you, you have done a wonderful job of raising your children and I love that you said you are grateful that you HAVE the opportunity o choose!
Being a mom is NOT an easy job, and from reading your blog it seems you've done wonderful at it. Being a nurse may have been your dream but not being one has helped you have many precious moments with your children. My aunt is an ER nurse, and she recently said it felt like she blinked and her children grew up. She regrets the time not spent with them even though she loves her job very much.
Sarah said…
I am a full time momma that stays home part time and spends the other part of my time as a nurse. Your post was so encouraging for both areas of my life! You seem like an amazing mother and can't wait to get to know you more through your blog! Nursing will always be here and I promise we'll save a spot for you :).

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