Here is the thing about having babies, raising children, and loving a family. it makes you a part of something bigger than yourself.
much bigger.
without even realizing it, you attach yourself to a plan that includes the needs, desires, and dreams of others. what you once found thrilling you now find somehow... less than.

less than because it can never compare with the smile of your toddler after his morning nap. less than because he realizes that you are still in the house.

just down the hall. 
a forever part of his small yet very significant life.
less than because few things compare with that first day of school. 
bright yellow buses, fresh new crayons, and nervous little smiles.
action figure lunch pails.
braids in her hair.
life is too short not to savor every moment, slip notes in their backpack, and wonder about them all day.
what time is it?
are they alright now?
is middle school as kind as elementary was? 
is high school too big for her still tender soul? will he always be alright? will I?
i shouldn't have said the things i did. i wish I had hugged her once more before she left for work. does he realize how much i love him even when he pretends i'm not here?
will it always hurt? will they ever understand? have i apologized to my mother for who i was so long ago? 
all mothers one day understand.
they realize what it means to wonder, to watch, to worry. to be a part of a special club of people who give their heart over to the smiles, dreams, and heartaches of another. forever.

is she eating enough? did he finish his homework? 
will he get the job? should i call?
they need their space. young love is too sweet to be rushed or smothered.
what a beautiful new season. God guide their journey.

life is a gift. one from a loving God. one that is better when it is opened wide, expanded to the breaking point, and shared with others.
when one lives a life of passion, adventure, and romance... it is a wonderful thing. 
one that the story books will lift up and the movies will praise.
but a life lived for others, completely outside of yourself, and for those you call your own.
this is a life truly lived.
this is a romance some never find.
this is a beautiful thing that would be a tragedy to miss.

**whether you conceive and bear children of your own, or you open your arms and your heart to those who would be alone without you....please do not live a life without children. from the moment you open your heart to them, they own it in it's entirety. but it is a gift you will never regret giving. May the God of abundance, both guide and direct you, teach and bless you, and fill your life with children.**

- Christa


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