but God...

If it isn't guilt, it's fear.
And when it isn't fear, it's worry.
And when guilt, fear, and worry have each had an angry turn, depression goes in for the knockout round.
And by the time they are done, I'm pretty much whipped.
Whimpering in the corner, fetal position assumed, flying the white flag of despair.
Way to start the weekend, huh?
You're welcome.

If you know me very well at all, you aren't surprised by the above.
If you have just met me, or been blessed to be excluded from this part of my life, you are very likely surprised.
Perhaps shocked.
Because let's face it, coming from someone that looks like this most of the time, all of the above is not expected.
So before I give you the wrong impression and lead you to believe that I'm Jekyl and Hyde, allow me to explain.

God has seen fit to bless me with a personable personality. I love people, crowds, fellowship, friends, relationships, etc.
One of my favorite things to do is to find someone's need and meet it if at all possible.
I honestly get a weird, non-creepy rush out of seeing people enjoy life.

So the yucky stuff I deal with sort of catches me off guard. It overwhelms me at times, and it threatens to undo me.
Why, God?
It doesn't fit.
It makes no sense.
It's growing old.

The answer?
I don't know.
Other than the fact that God would never do this to me.
I'm His child and He wouldn't hurt me any more than I would hurt one of my children.
So the only thing I can think of is that I live in a fallen world, and I'm not the only one the enemy would love to see incapacitated.
Name your gifting and he will try to break it down.
For you it may be singing, or writing, or leading.
For me it's loving on people.
That may seem like not such a big deal compared to singing, writing, and leading, but I'm pretty sure it's a big deal to the person who needs a hug. a meal. an encouraging text.
someone to pray with them.

But when I'm afraid or depressed, all of that is extremely difficult because it's way too hard to focus on myself and others.

So what to do?
"But God." (and that's in a ton of places in the Bible, kids.)
And it's pretty much my favorite phrase in His whole entire written Word.
"But God..."
In other words, freakin
He can handle it.

Got depression?
Got fear?
How about anger?
He specializes in redeeming any and all.

And I can only say this because I know firsthand.
I know firsthand that the more time I spend with Him,
the more often I'm in prayer,
and the more of His word I read...
the less I deal with all the crap that tries to keep me from being the person He created.
So, in closing...
living the dream?
Well, it's directly connected to plugging into Him.
Because with Him?
All things are possible and life is worth living.

Happy weekend, loves!
MUAHH!! xoxo


Cortne said…
Wow, I like you even more. I can't wait to meet your sweetness. I like people that want to see the good in others and are their biggest cheerleaders.
AM said…
Exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thanks for the inspiration!

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