And when it isn't fear, it's worry.
And when guilt, fear, and worry have each had an angry turn, depression goes in for the knockout round.
And by the time they are done, I'm pretty much whipped.
Whimpering in the corner, fetal position assumed, flying the white flag of despair.
I know. What a way to say hello, and how was your Tuesday.
If you know me very well at all, you aren't surprised by the above.
If you have just met me, or been blessed to be excluded from this part of my life, you are very likely surprised.
Because let's face it, coming from someone that looks like this most of the time, all of the above is not expected.
So before I give you the wrong impression and lead you to believe that I'm Jekyl and Hyde, allow me to explain.
God has seen fit to bless me with a personable personality. I love people, crowds, fellowship, friends, relationships, etc.
One of my favorite things to do is to find someone's need and meet it if at all possible.
I honestly get a weird, non-creepy rush out of seeing people enjoy life.
So the yucky stuff I mentioned before sort of catches me off guard. It overwhelms me at times, and threatens to undo me.
It doesn't fit.
It makes no sense.
It's growing old.
I don't know.
Other than the fact that God would never do this to me.
I am His child and He wouldn't hurt me any more than I would hurt one of my children.
So the only thing I can think of is that I live in a fallen world, and I'm not the only one the enemy would love to see incapacitated.
Name your gifting and he will try to break it down.
Perhaps for you it is singing, writing, or leading others.
For me it is loving on people.
That may seem small compared to singing, writing, and leading, but I'm pretty sure it's big to the person who needs a hug, a meal, an encouraging text, or someone to pray with them.
However, when I am afraid or depressed, all of the loving and encouraging is extremely difficult. I find it almost impossible to focus on my depression and the needs of others at the same time.
So what to do?
"But God." (and that is in a ton of places in the Bible, kids.)
It is pretty much my favorite phrase in His whole entire written Word.
In other words, freakin
He can handle it.
How about anger?
He specializes in redeeming any and all.
And I can only say this because I know firsthand.
I know firsthand that the more time I spend with Him,
the more often that I am in prayer, and the more of His word I read...
the less I deal with all the crap that tries to keep me from being the person He created.
So, in closing...
living the dream? How about wishing you were?
Well, it is directly connected to plugging into Him.
Because with Him all things are possible and life is worth living.
Happy Wednesday, loves!