Monday, December 29, 2014

Housewives Anonymous

The blog post I wrote when I was a full time housewife.
Perhaps this is why I went back to work.
Enjoy.



I haven't been blogging lately. Instead I've been thinking.
It's actually much more difficult than blogging.

Why all the thinking?
Because as of late, I have found myself greeting each new day with a new sense of dread. Not an old sense of dread, but a new sense.  Because it is tacky to use yesterday's dread.
Why the dread?
Read this and tell me you wouldn't be best friends with dread each day.

Bake fresh bread each week.
Make at least one amazing dessert every week.
Cook a minimum of three nights a week. From scratch.
Always have a pot of coffee brewing.
Keep a spotless house.
Maintain an open door policy for friends and family. With coffee. And the amazing dessert of the week.
Homeschool two high-schoolers.
Run a taxi service.
Check on the elderly in the family.
Check on the children who have grown up and moved out. Is everyone still eating their veggies? There's an amazing dessert over here. And a semi-warm pot of coffee.
Hello? Anyone?

Become a famous blogger in 27.5 weeks.
Remember to blog, and don't forget to take fabulous blog-worthy pictures.
Edit fabulous pictures and spend 3 hours putting together a picture-worthy blog post.
Tweet about it. Instagram it. Facebook it.
Hand out blog business cards.
Read 20 new blogs per day and comment on a minimum of 12 of these blogs. Reply to all comments on personal blog.
Consider taking up drinking.
Learn to speak the Russian language.

Become a fabulous photographer.
Watch photography tutorials, practice practice practice, and have separate business cards ordered solely for photography business.
Do the laundry.
Remember to walk past the dishes in the sink and feel guilty.
Or at least look guilty.
Scratch that.  Feign guilt over not caring about status of dirty dishes in case someone brings it up.



Make sure someone feeds the cats.
Check to see that we still have dogs and that someone fed them.
Get that gate fixed.

Ride the horse at least once a week.
Finish all of the homework that goes with a full time course load for a Bachelors degree.
Read a good book.
Eat more veggies.
and
Drink more water.

Above is pretty much what I felt like the perfect housewife/mother should be able to accomplish in a regular day/week.
I realized that I was lying to myself, but for some reason, I never allowed that to deter me from constantly aiming for my false sense of perfection.
Until recently.
When my days began to look exactly like this...

Wake up.
Feel immense sense of dread over impending failure.
Go back to sleep.
Wake up again.
Check Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Realize my life is lacking in the usual glamour one can only find on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Go back to sleep.

Finally climb out of bed by 11:30.
Eat.
Read a book.
Check Facebook.
Check Instagram.
Check Pinterest.
Wallow in the despair of a life lacking in glamour.
Rinse and repeat the next day.

................

BUT GOD.
That's Ephesians 2:4 in the Bible.

Basically He and I had to have a little chat.
Turns out there are approximately three things I am responsible for and it also turns out that we have had this discussion before.
I just keep forgetting.
I get caught up in the lights/camera/action of all the newest trends and hobbies; and before you know it, I'm a jack of all trades, and a master of none.

Three things, Christa. Three things.
God.
Family.
School.

That's it for now.
And maybe the occasional pot of coffee that has been reheated three times already since this afternoon.

Hang in there, girls, you're not alone.






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