My Imaginary Person...

I have always wanted to be the person that takes everything in stride while handling each situation with grace and beauty.
The person who has a really clean house.
For more than 30 minutes once a week.
The person who can garden effortlessly, speak several languages fluently, and do complex math without a calculator.
Please don't ask me to do complex math without a calculator.

As well as the person who never mentions that her birthday is only nine days away.

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Oh, did I mention my birthday?
It's only nine days away.
I am not the type of person who can keep that sort of information hidden.
But I've always wanted to be.
Does that count??

So tonight I pulled out my mental list of the person I have always wanted to be.
It seems that I refer often to this list when I feel that I am failing in any one particular area.
I refer to the list, choose the area of failure, and highlight a couple extra short comings for good measure.
Bottom line, I come up short in one area and blame myself for at least three.

All I wanted to do was cook a big meal.
Homemade pizza with a new crust recipe.
A BIG salad with my current favorite dressing.
Fresh mint tea which is perfect for summer, and a Peach Crisp with a Maple Cream Sauce; courtesy of the Pioneer Woman's first cookbook.

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The meal would be served tomorrow night for our weekly family dinner, however I would need to begin the preparations tonight. No big deal.  I had enjoyed a pretty restful day.  I should be able to pull off a few minor food preparations tonight before bed, and I could finish the remaining details tomorrow morning before work.

If I was the perfect woman I have always wanted to be.
The one on my list.
The one with nothing else to do but everything. Perfectly.
I completely idolize her.
And despise her at the same time.

It seems that no matter the life season I am currently in, she is in the opposite season.
If I am raising babies and homeschooling children, she is building a career and learning those foreign languages that are on my list.
If I am focusing on a degree and trying my hand at one foreign language, she is growing her new family and choosing baby names.
While I am struggling at the gym and depriving myself of butter, she is enjoying a frappuccino and loving her body exactly as it is.

When I struggle, she is free.
When I relax, she wins awards for her hard work and constant volunteer efforts.
If I make brownies, she makes apple pie.
If I eat the brownies, I gain 10 lbs.
When she eats both the brownies, and the apple pie, she loses 2 lbs.
Do you see my problem?

I cannot compare or compete.
She wears me out.
She outshines all of my efforts and highlights each of my shortcomings.
She is the anti-me.
And she doesn't even exist.
She is simply a figment of my overworked and thoroughly exhausted imagination.  She is the combination of all the traits I have seen, admired, or been envious of in countless other women.
She is not any one woman and she never could be.
Except in my mind.
Where, unfortunately, she is the most dangerous.

Today I am not perfect.
Yesterday I was not perfect.
And I am not holding out any hope for tomorrow.

What about you??
Am I alone in this?
Has anyone else found Galatians 6:4 to be helpful?

"Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else..."
Do you suppose an apple pie baking, imaginary nemesis would count as the "someone else"?

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Just wondering.

Until tomorrow.
Or the next day.
I'm not perfect.
I'm making no promises.

I'll see you when I see you.

Your fair-weather friend...
Me.